Short but not so sweet

Honestly, some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop; all I asked was "How are you getting on?"
 
Sex therapists claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears! Personally I think its bollocks...
 
They reckon that beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive! 
 
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said how can you tell them apart? He said "Her brother's armpits are hairier."
 
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me". "Yes, Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." 

It’s a Fact

• The first female guest host of "Saturday Night Live" was Candice Bergen.

• There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

• The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.